In a galaxy far far away, men of a certain age, weight and personality idolised a particular 30 year old sci-fi film, resulting in the creation of millions of pieces of useless tat in the form of tie-in memorabilia. The twisted progeny of the Star Wars trilogy include action figures, T-Shirts, posters, Christmas albums (R2-D2 We Wish You a Merry Christmas is my favourite track), spin-off cartoons and yet more films. Mobile phone themes are the latest addition to this endlessly expanding brood .

My dreams have been answered. Finally I can have a picture of the Death Star, Tie Fighter and the Millenium Falcon on my mobile home screen, now if I could just get a girlfriend….